Tired Under That Mask

I never thought I'd be tired,

Tired of looking at the same man in the mirror

That delicately scented man

Who followed rules within his harbor

I never thought I'd be tired,

Tired of being submissive to my past:

Respecting, cherishing lessons learned

Now that I know nothing is to last

Been so long I stayed as someone,

Who'd love to make them smile.

But I never thought I'd be tired,

Now I claim that someone just died.

I would spend much; I would lie!

I would keep cursing; in sinning I would dive!

Hell, you're angry? Think I'm mad?

You never cared when I had that mask!

I'd be fat as much as I can,

I'd love to be a disappointment as long as I want!

I would kiss, I would touch whoever I like,

Dirty under my strong sweet unfading perfume!

Hate me more and more each day!

I'd trim and dye my hair in way that displeasures you.

Being disgusting disgusts me too,

But being too nice for you disgusts me more.

I never thought I'd be tired,

Tired of being one that pleases you.

Tired of making you appreciate me.

Tired of being in the cage that you built for me.

All I wanted is to hear you speak

Words that define my worth; but now-

I'd rather love to see you hate me for who I'am,

Than to see you love me for being who you want.