What I Missed?!

Fieldtrip? It is a trip/tour on a certain place by a group of people (in this case, students) to learn the history and science behind it meant for widening one’s knowledge, and of course, to have fun. I repeat: TO HAVE FUN.

NOTE: This article is intended to wrap up the our fieldtrip in Butuan City and in a way, to give recommendations for you readers so that you wont miss a thing in your fieldtrips.

Our History 11 fieldtrip in Butuan City has been successful to its goal. It has made us appreciate how civilized Pre-Hispanic Philippines is, by giving us a view to the rich history of one of the country’s oldest settlement, Butuan. Its really amazing to ponder about the fact that once in the timeline, when Europe is experiencing Dark Age, uncentralized(barangays) and centralized(Sutanates) civilizations scattered in the Philippine Archipelago was busy enjoying its peak with the rest of the Orient. Evidences of rich culture and trade are really tangible in the excavated remains that were saved from the times that the Spanish conquerors forcibly destroyed these for them to easily control our rich lands.

However, personally, I know I missed a lot. Thus, I’m writing to save you readers earlier before you regret. Haha!

Fieldtrip is more than learning, its much more likely appreciation and having fun! But I forgot somehow to put this in my mind, so I really missed a lot. And now, I’m gonna recommend you to do the following to make your trip worthwhile:

Keep your fone away and keep your friends close. Every time you go down from your bus and roam the area, shut your fone. It is really not the time to entertain your friends afar or even your lover at that such time. Oh come on! They could have your time while you’re riding. Instead, gather all your pals and together, you enjoy the spot! Keep the cameras alive and capture every perfect moment. Remember, every word you type on your fone is one second or more wasted.

Don’t save your money for the mall. You might think of buying a shirt or a bag in the mall, which most likely be your last stop. You’re thinking that might cost half or even more of your allowance. Hence, at the whole trip, you have been the thriftiest you ever. Hello?! You can always go to the mall, or even in a department store to buy a shirt—anytime! Don’t make your self a poor guy in the whole trip, my dear. Buy souvenirs, buy local delicacies. For sure you would still have something left to spend for foods while strolling at the mall. Remember, malls are always there, but the chance to enjoy a certain tourist spot with your friends could be just once forever, so make the best out of it!

Never forget to include yourself in your pictures. Yah, you need to picture everything inside the spot for your report, journal, and the likes. But don’t forget to have a remembrance for yourself. Pictures of a tourist spot are always available on the internet, but a picture of a tourist spot with you and your friends won’t be in the net if you won’t capture one! So don’t waste your batteries taking different angles of an ancient Chinese plate, for example. Remember, isn’t it better to take different pictures of yours beside that plate? Haha!

These are just some of the recommendations I could give to you to ensure your happiness for the whole of your trip. The rest are just dependent on the capacity of your common sense. Remember, learning something about the place could be done over the computer, but having the chance to enjoy the place to the best way possible could only happen once, and never again. So don’t spoil your time taking the trip too educational, it’s not good to think that you did pay some bucks just to learn and learn when in fact you can do that at school. The keyword for a successful fieldtrip is: ENJOY!

Lust, As They Say

(A Fucking Friend's Cry)

"Here I am again. Caught up in a whirlwind of desire. All I want is to own you. Nothing less, but wishing for something more. Much more from you."

I must be blind. No, I'am really blind. Why? Because I'm so lost. Lost within the lustful spell of you. Now I'm a nomad of your every curve. A wanderer of your seductive nights. I've never been like this, never been insane like this.

Months ago, your just an ordinary face to me. Not even worthy of my "good morning!". But months earlier, you've change. No, you changed me. I've been a Carl who easily snapped your bait. Then you reeled. Finally, you got me. You got me unconsciously; and you got me happily.

I've been happy revolving my life on the fone, with you on the other line. Suddenly, I've been happier revolving my life around your lips, then to the whole of you. Those days, I know I'm just totally in-lust, but still I pretended that I love you and at that night, remember, we ended up in a commitment. That time I know I'm already walking away to my good Godly road. I chose you, for short. Oh well, that's lust. :/

For 1 week of commitment, commitment that I regret I vowed, we've been in a master-slave symbiotic relationship. You held me in my neck, suffocated till I can suffer no more. I quit.

I thought I wont regret, but 2 months of not seeing you made me scream "I miss you." That time I know this lustful fervor scraped deep in my heart, bloomed to something I'm not sure but love. I had gone partly mad. Crazy bout how to win you back. But I just cant, for someone has already won your heart.

But giving up has never been in my vocabulary. I dared to hang on my thinnest thread of chance to show my thin sheet of love. I hanged, I dangled, till I finally reached you. What hurts is I just reached you, but I never won you back. Were back on our old lustful ways. We play with our tongue in dark lights. Counting heartbeats of physical attraction.

I enjoy. I know. But this is not what I want. I really know that. It's you that I want, not your lips, not your body, not your face. It's only you. Just by hearing your voice, just by laughing on your unfunny jokes gives me this kind of happiness that I know it's not lust, and nothing is lustful in it. I give you what you want, what you need, I don't even mind the fact that I cant even give it to myself, as long as that serves a ticket for me to spend minutes of talk and staring your face.

You told me that its not just me whose playing in that commitment, for your playing too. It must be the most desperate line I said, but I said it with tears in my heart: Will you play with me again?

"I wont."

That's it. That broke me to pieces.

That must be the words that says, let's stay as fucking friends.

I will. I will. But I don't know how long could I stay. For the more I play with your body, the more this knife in my heart push deeper.

Lust as they say, but what I really want is to feel your love in your every kiss.

If I could just own you just like the way I own your lips every time we do it just for fun, I will make you feel happy and proud having me as your owner.

That's not a promise. That's a deal.

A Compliment for Markson E.

Surfing net is getting more boring and boring for me tonight. With only this half full glass of apple juice as my chum while waiting for the very slow download of Taylor Swift's Speak Now to finally succeed, I' am totally bored to death. Oh! I remember one thing...it's Markson birthday! Actually, I have already greeted him very early this morning, but there's something I would still want to do, not just for him but also for me, to ease this boredom that is surely a big sloth pain in the ass. haha..

Just for fun, I would like to write something for our birthday boy. A tribute... just a little slice of compliment.

I really don't know much about this guy, but I just wanna share what I know. I just wanna share the things that makes him different to any Markson surviving in this planet.

Before I set foot to the alleged(haha, weird term) Academic Paradise of the South, CMU, I already heard his name. My friend since highschool whose brother resided at Supremo's(boardinghouse where I stay) always nag about his name. She said that there is a cute nursing stud staying in Supremo's named Markson. In my mind, "Hell I care!", but I didn't said that so she kept on nagging about Markson. But I didn't found Markson there, then I just knew he moved to Boystown.

As to Ellen's description, I picture out Markson as a very handsome, masculine, and hot white cutie of College of Nursing. But he fell low to my expectations, I guess. Before the second sem started, my landlady told me that if I would now be open for a roommate, an exboarder named Markson would be my roommate. In my mind, Ellen would really be happy if she heard about this news! But my parents still decided that I would not have any roommate. Well that's okay for me, I'm more comfortable living alone in my room.

When I first saw Markson, my eyes started assessing: he is a short, moderately pimpled guy. He's quite good-looking but, ahem, quite different from the "Hercules-like" description of my friend. I'm really laughing at my room while I'm texting Ellen bout my assessment!

Days moved and I noticed more bout him. He's quite a big eater( as Ellen says), very neat, and, honest to say, but I really thought he's gay. I never had a talk to him for the first four months of us staying in the same roof. But in the last month, March, by the time-being alone, I just found myself talking to him. My first impression: He's kinda cool...not a bad thing if we would be friends.

Suddenly, my assessment changed. He's a guy who I could say kinda picky of friends, but he never turns one down, I believe. He's very nice to my boardmates, whom I find very annoying, and he makes time to have fun with them. He's very transparent as a friend. Like someone who wont be afraid to ask some favor, someone who wont turn down one, and someone who wont be afraid to be frank in front of you. For me, that's a kind of person whom I can say "REAL", not plastic in slang term, because for me, a true friend stabs you in front. He's someone who's eager to share what he have, though somehow he's bossy in a sense, but that isn't a big deal for me. Something I like bout him most, he always let us share with him his fone just to watch PGT.. As what my boardmates say, "Dili sha dalo"... I believe they're right!

As a brother to his sister, I know he's good! I remember he asked me: Carl, unsa kahay tsada na igift sacong manghod ba? Di man gud ko kauli sa iyang graduation. I'm not sure if it's graduation that he said, I cant remember it clearly, but that's the thought. For me, it shows that he really cares more than it shows. If I were him, saying sorry and congratulations to his younger sis would be enough for me. But to him, it shows that he's making it to the point that he could extend his love though he couldn't be there. That's something commendable.

And lastly, as a son, I find him quite good. I remember he shared me something bout his highschool experience about joining a gang. That's really terrible! But in the end, it shows that he respects his parents, though he said at that time he relied to his savings. haha.. And I know he calls his mom Ermat, that's a sign that he's really open to them. And openness is something not all children at teen-hood could assure their parents.

And earlier this morning, we had a short exchange of text messages. I asked him if he already went home then he said he still couldn't. I asked him, for sure you miss your mom now.. he answered "Sobra pa sa mingaw"...That's the time I felt I'm still lucky enough for I had spent Mother's day with my mom but a boy who really loves his mom like Markson simply couldn't.

In totality, for me, he's a fabulous guy. A great, open friend, a caring brother, and a loving son. For sure a friend like him deserves an article of compliment like this.

Personally, I really find him as more than a good friend. He's a "better friend", if that term exists, LOL.. =) That's why just like any other close friends of mine, I waited for 12 am to strike the clock and made it sure to greet him a happy birthday in 12 am sharp. I even tried to called but he's asleep already, then I just smiled for I just want to tell that Ellen would want to extend her greetings through me. She keeps on reminding me that.. haha!

To my dear friend Markson, our God has chose to give you another year to spread more love and plow greener pastures. This year is another roller coaster of smiles and tears, rejoice and disappointment. But there's one thing I just wanna tell you: in this another revolution trip of yours around the sun, don't forget to soar high but kneel to pray, and just keep on ROCKIN'!

My glass of apple juice is now empty, and finally, the download succeed. And shall I say, GOODNIGHT!

Where does that love comes from, Mom?

How did you find the energy, Mom
To do all the things you did,
To be teacher, nurse and counselor
To me, when I was a kid.

It's mother's day again, and the whole world is celebrating, like me. Some of my friends in Facebook changed their profile picture with the picture of their mom while others even made a slideshow just to pay tribute the the woman who brought forth their lives; and not just that, for she's also the woman who chose to suffer and sacrifice all that's needed to just to raise us---the wild, rebellious, ungrateful, and insolent us.

I' am Carl Ace, and I'm honest to say that I really haven't reciprocated enough the love of my mom that she's been unceasingly giving to me each day. When my mom was still in college, she is so beautiful and a CMU College of Engineering certified "it" girl. But God's plan it is, she married my dad early, and yah, had me early. She missed everything fabulous that a college diploma promises, but I never heard her regret---that's why I know she do love me, not just because I' am hers, but she loves me coz I' am me.

I really wonder where in the world did my mom got the reason for loving me this too long. You know, dogs, they just take care with their puppies for few month then after that, the bitch would just even snob their pups before and some even fuck their own product. Oh I know you know that's not my point but my point is my mom, just like any other mom, could have chose to abort me...or raise me til I'm a toddler then just throw me near a trashcan in a busy city street, like the greasy orphans outside Jollibee. With my very stubborn and sour attitude, if I were my mom, I would not hesitate to flush the cute little young Carl Ace in the toilet.

But my mom never did that. She has been patient for all this time and been a mother for me for all these years. I guess that's the fact that separates her from our pet bitches, and to the bitches who were regular costumers of Mrs. Abortionist.

How did you do it all, Mom,
Be a chauffeur, cook and friend,
Yet find time to be a playmate,
I just can’t comprehend.

My mom is an undergad, but I never felt she was. You know, she's a doctor to me when I'm sick. My soldier when my dad spanks me. My teacher when I was still young. and the best of all, my friend, every time I need one.

She wakes up early every morning to cook my breakfast before I get to school. I believe even my mother would also wish to have a long, beautiful sleep like us but she waives her self interest every morning for me. I even heard some of my friends saying that their mom don't do that for them. They have to cook for their selves as well us they have to wash their own clothes, iron, and fold it. My mom didn't even tasked me to do that.

I have read something from Ramayana, saying जननी जन्मभूमिश्च स्वर्गादपि गरीयसी, this means: the mother is higher than the motherland... even higher than heaven. Of course my mom couldn't give me the things that God in heaven promises but she continuously defy her limits, do everything to provide me my needs, and exhaust her self to give me comfort. That ain't easy, Amen?

I see now it was love, Mom
That made you come whenever I'd call,
Your inexhaustible love, Mom
And I thank you for it all.

The reason why she keeps on forgiving my flaws, why she spends most of her money not only for my needs but also for my luxury, and why she age faster coz of me is LOVE. The great motherly love.

As what I said, she don't love me for I' am from her and I' am hers. She loves me for I' am Carl Ace; once the baby who almost took her life while she's giving me life; once the child who deprived her her wants just to admit my fragile body to the hospital almost every month; once the kid who she protects every time my dad couldn't be patient to my faults anymore; once the youngster who she assisted as I' am changing from a kid to a teen; and now the teen who force her to slave herself to work every moment of her life in order to grant me the very expensive key to my dreams; and always will be the CARL ACE who made her tears fall as my first cry was heard; and the first reason why she has to hold on to the vow she exchanged with with my dad.

I admit she isn't perfect. She couldnt afford all my wants, and sometimes, she fails to understand what's within my mind that I' am afraid to speak, but there's something that would always forget me my disappointments towards her, and that's the fact that she never fails to express to me not just through words but also through actions that one eternal and ever evolving-consummate-unadulterated-basic-essential-crucial-necessary-affectionate emotion called mother's love.


To my mom, I love you though your text messages to me are all in capital letters and lacks period every time, though you always ask stupid and nonsense questions to me, though you always cut my dreams every morning, and though you always murmur same lines every time I ask for new jeans and my allowance. Simply because, I'm nowhere to be find without you.. I love you mom!

(poem: Everything Mom by Joanna Fuchs)

Summertime Blues...byebye!

Summertime, for me, as a student, is so boring. At least now I feel a little bit eased after hearing a line from a country song saying : Yeah theres ain't no cure for this summertime blues(did i rephrase it right? I doubt)....Yeah, knowing that I'm not the only one feeling this gross thing in this season of fun is a cure...Somehow..

Oh well oh well...Summer is not generally a season for beaches and summer flings(According to a poor and ugly person..hey that's not me!), it's also a season to discover yourself more, to revive your buried golden past, and to develop and prepare your self for another 10 months hurdle to face; for short, its a quite long season to grow(that's from a cute teen who thinks more than he speaks, that's me :3)

As a student, summer really sucks for me.. Why oh why? No CLASSES, No ALLOWANCE. Then following there is a long long train of No's...such as no food trips, no movies, no swimming, no fun and blahblahblah...See how important allowance is for a student?

But actually, after I worshiped with my friends, jumped the wall that coves the falls, climbed the cliff that assures death for a wrong step, and pacified my crying soul because of this unbearable muscle pain all over my body, and just right before I write this next word, I had this moment of realization: fun is always there, what you only need to do is have the courage to open your door and go outside.

For short, now is still the last week of April, but yes, I had a lot of summer (hehe, thats not short though).

The last week of March has been hard for me. IT HURTS! that's the loudest avowal that my soul was longing to scream. You know, before the school days halted, I could already foresee a great summer coming for me. I'm going to invite all of my friends in my birthday in April 4; I will attend in International Leaders Conference in Cagayan de Oro City in April 15; I will spend my holy week and the rest of April in Bohol; and many many more "will's". That's quite exciting, I commend. But everything nice under the sun went far worse than topsy-turvy --okay you got it, I'm exaggerating it-- but yeah, no single plan came to existence.

My parents didn't let me invite my friends in my birthday. I forgot about ILC and childishly spent all my money at Kaamulan Festival and the days that followed. And because I spent all my bucks on my piggy, I don't have any peso left for Bohol.. (ohhhh..so sad).

Though something wicked turned my summer wicked, it still turns out to be a quiet good summer. In a rate of ten stars as the highest, I rate my summer 7.5 (is there a half star? haha).

In my own assessment, I could give you tips on how to enjoy summer when everything turned hellish(yeah..) through my own experiences.

*1: Dig your friends.

I remember a song of the Girls Scout of the Philippines that somehow speaks newly found friends are like silver..but those old ones are like gold. I dug my golds in our place, and fortunately, I still recovered some. Its fun going outdoors with your childhood friends! You relive your past memories, and you even get the right to brag about your funniest and strangest moments in your youth. Your old friends has something good that your new friends don't have. You can be real to them and you can say bad words to them. I tell you, all of you will just laugh in the end.

*2: Discover your place as you discover yourself.

My place, dubbed as "Diamond in Rough", is a virgin paradise that you can relish exclusively. In my 16 years of existence, I really believe that this barangay that i live in possess only 3 beautiful waterfalls. Its just now, in my 17th year that I discovered that there is a shorter waterfalls kept in the least visited part of the jungle: The Macabayot Falls. Its height is just enough for a weakling's heart to conquer. But its strong rush water and the sure-kill rapids beneath could make a brave heart to think twice. It has the strongest water current among all the waterfalls here because the water flowing from Natigbasan Falls unites with the water of Gantungan Falls, and these massive water is the water that travels through the Macabayot Falls. I believe it got its name by the thrill that it serves to visitors. Macabayot means "could make you GAY".

*3: Feed your soul.

This season of boredom and emptiness gives you one thing that you cant find in the rest of the year: TIME. In the Lenten season, I had the time to eternalized the "Seven Last Words". With my Youth for Christ family, I experienced a new way of praying, Taizé. It is said to start in France, and this way of praying is really great.

Theres much more ways to enjoy your summer though your pockets are empty. After all, like any other seasons, the philosophy behind the fun in summer is just the same. Open your door, go out, and see what the world could give you. Then enjoy it. There is an unlimited options you could get, the only thing that limits is the wideness that you chose when you opened your door.

Have a beautiful summer!

Footnote to our Parents

It's unfair!

When I was eight, I was forced to learn how to cook rice! How to wash plates! How to clean the house! How to fix my parent's bed! How to feed the dogs! How to baby sit! And most of all, how to do things the way they wanted! My dad gives me bruises every time I rank lower than the first at school! He rarely give me the toys I want and what I hate most? He always slap, punch, and kick me near to death every time I complain!

However, my younger brother whose turning 11 this July( or June, I'm not sure.hihi) has never learned even to boil water and has flunked from 2nd place down to a rank somewhat just like disgrace from the mark I left at my elementary Alma Mater! Whenever he's not in his bike, he sticks on the computer, even playing while eating( while me before, I gain bruises courtesy by my dad whenever I eat in-front of the TV)! And what freaks me out most? I never seen my dad hazed him for that! He is highly tolerated and every time I scream "IT'S UNFAIR!!!!" I end up angry but locked in my room waiting for the new sets of bruise to heal.

My mother always say, "You're actually fortunate because you learned all of those now that your still young. You'll gonna need that in the future!". Say whatever mom! Those things aren't hard to learn and my brother could actually learn that if he want when he get old for just a single overnight! What I want is for him to experience all of those hellish commands, NOW!

Oh well oh well. They wont hear my cry after all. They don't have an access to internet. So this revolt is worthless :).

But this might be one of the reason why I grew up near but not emotionally close to my family and somehow, rebellious. I had served my family well since the day I became fully rational, but I don't think I'm receiving enough benefit. When I was in highschool, my parents seems to treat me like an innocent, pure, and super baryotic(new word! Pertaining to something so rural) lass that who have to take good care of my virginity(as if I still got it >:] ). Why? because they said that I have to go home before the sun sets. FREAK! And because of that, I missed so much of my youth. When I'm at home, I always have to man the store, and spend all my day waiting for the f*****ng peso to come. See how I was deprived of my youth?

I hope the parents of today's youth would learn understand their children. They don't have to spoil them, they just got to go beyond what they thought of proper disciplining of their teens. It's not good to the side of the child to grow deprived of the happiness he deserves, remember we only sail to thesame life once. We understand you, our parents, but you don't have to be OA, you can take good care of us with out suffocating us. uhm, and just be fair. :)

LOOOOOVE!

Love!

Anong napala co sa LOVE?

Pimples!

Eyebags!

at broken hart! napuyat aco't di nakapagstudy sa trigo!

bagsak tuloy ako!

GAAABAAA!





ttoooogsh! back to the real world (hey! that's still real!) !

For all that who know me and still doesn't know me, I'm Carl Ace, Carl, Ace, Rikdoy, C.A., Dhoie, Junjun, Junnibellx( well, i hate this one :< ). YFC brother and a freshman bagtik CMU-AN taking up Doctor of Veterinary Medicine, gwapo( Wiiih?! deh ngaH!) , but gwapa rin daw, loves gray, black, brown, country songs (except everything from Inday Taylor Swept), friends, facebook, Bible, sleeping, cheating, foods, more foods, heavy foods, and hates RNB, gays, and love stories, and status: drastically in pain due to severe GUGMATITIS(inflammation of the heart better known as broken heart).

Jolly as may seem, but I'm not. Some new friends see me plastic but that's kinda real no! no! for there's such a characteristic of a living organism called "ADAPTATION"(remember your Bio-onse), and I'm just doing it all the time; at least you know i'm "LIVING" and ain't no PLASTIC(ang wa kagets di malangit.).

My classmates find me noisy and parrotish(new word!hihi) because I always punch that whole line of nestea's add, even making my own version like that's one above. They find that sometimes funny but now a mere nuisance and another contribution of mine to the geeks' greatest enemy, noise pollution but ah-uh, I ain't absurd to rephrase and paraphrase that line over and over again for no reason, of course I got one. I love to punch that because that's also a one-billion question of my mind, WHY?!(sir duropan? pinagmanahan?), why love is somehow I find worthy enough to burn time for but what had it done to me, just a gugmatitis.

If you had read my previous blog post I published last year, you'll see how love caused me sooo much pain and led me to this incurable disease. Still the same, praying same line over and over again, in meals and before sleeping hours. However, I just find things clearer by now.

I consulted friends, talked to my parents, and done every way possible to take me out from my own life's upheaval. But no one advised me better that the Bible did. Some verses in 1 Corinthians and 1 John made me understand love more.

Love is something due to chemical reactions in your body led by some pheromones if you let the chemistry department define it for you. However, I find love as something that flared up from just a mere infatuation that might end you up to an everlasting relationship(that's every lovers wish to have), or the other way around, gugmatitis.

It is a great feeling of admiration and everything beautiful under the sun that you want to express with all your might. However, if your as unfortunate as me, you'll find out that love is an ecstasy you want to achieve but not at all times your entitled to avail it. That's the time, if you're misguided, that you'll start hating love as if it's some sort of evil or maybe a 3 unit sociology with no field-trip(i hate it!).

Remember: Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:18)

Many of teens like me experience a forbidden love. In my case, I'm inlove with someone I nicknamed "Spongebob", who is a 'he', and also in love with my closest friend( and here in CMU, a close friend is your family here;) ). Yes its so painful and I'm asking God every night to remove this feeling magically just like how it came to me. Yet no answer like"yes" has come.


By time, I just accepted that that love isn't meant to exist(even in fairy tales) and what I need to do is to guide myself rightly out of this chemical reaction. Though there's no more happiness I could ever cry for than winning this losing battle, I still opt to quit. There's no sense fighting for and proving that I could love better for even the "Law of Nature" hinders me to achieve what I want.

I have given my best, even sacrificed my pride and dignity for that love. But I don't regret that, for in this whole process of moving on , I got lessons that any books wont teach me. Now at least I had established my principles bout loving, and I know within me that I'm near to be ripe enough to have a love that would last and have a someone to love that would treasure my worth.

Lesson learned: Our heart is in the left side of our body. That is something that tells not all love is right, yet all real love, right or wrong, is hard to get rid of. That must be unfair, but this is all part of my journey, the memories and pain, and God would sum it up to make me ripe enough, a Carl Ace that's "full-packed", for short, ready na!