(A Fucking Friend's Cry)
I must be blind. No, I'am really blind. Why? Because I'm so lost. Lost within the lustful spell of you. Now I'm a nomad of your every curve. A wanderer of your seductive nights. I've never been like this, never been insane like this.
Months ago, your just an ordinary face to me. Not even worthy of my "good morning!". But months earlier, you've change. No, you changed me. I've been a Carl who easily snapped your bait. Then you reeled. Finally, you got me. You got me unconsciously; and you got me happily.
I've been happy revolving my life on the fone, with you on the other line. Suddenly, I've been happier revolving my life around your lips, then to the whole of you. Those days, I know I'm just totally in-lust, but still I pretended that I love you and at that night, remember, we ended up in a commitment. That time I know I'm already walking away to my good Godly road. I chose you, for short. Oh well, that's lust. :/
For 1 week of commitment, commitment that I regret I vowed, we've been in a master-slave symbiotic relationship. You held me in my neck, suffocated till I can suffer no more. I quit.
I thought I wont regret, but 2 months of not seeing you made me scream "I miss you." That time I know this lustful fervor scraped deep in my heart, bloomed to something I'm not sure but love. I had gone partly mad. Crazy bout how to win you back. But I just cant, for someone has already won your heart.
But giving up has never been in my vocabulary. I dared to hang on my thinnest thread of chance to show my thin sheet of love. I hanged, I dangled, till I finally reached you. What hurts is I just reached you, but I never won you back. Were back on our old lustful ways. We play with our tongue in dark lights. Counting heartbeats of physical attraction.
I enjoy. I know. But this is not what I want. I really know that. It's you that I want, not your lips, not your body, not your face. It's only you. Just by hearing your voice, just by laughing on your unfunny jokes gives me this kind of happiness that I know it's not lust, and nothing is lustful in it. I give you what you want, what you need, I don't even mind the fact that I cant even give it to myself, as long as that serves a ticket for me to spend minutes of talk and staring your face.
You told me that its not just me whose playing in that commitment, for your playing too. It must be the most desperate line I said, but I said it with tears in my heart: Will you play with me again?
"I wont."
That's it. That broke me to pieces.
That must be the words that says, let's stay as fucking friends.
I will. I will. But I don't know how long could I stay. For the more I play with your body, the more this knife in my heart push deeper.
Lust as they say, but what I really want is to feel your love in your every kiss.
If I could just own you just like the way I own your lips every time we do it just for fun, I will make you feel happy and proud having me as your owner.
That's not a promise. That's a deal.
