A ring to a true lover is beyond a mere symbol of commitment. It is a vow of love until forever. It is a memento of the whole journey of one’s romantic rapport. But for a broken-hearted true lover, it is a reminder of a broken vow; a keepsake of a romantic journey-gone-wrong. Being one of the latter, that’s what I felt. Startlingly, you, my last lover proved me wrong.
I can still remember that night when you gave me this ring in my left hand. I can still feel the unforgettable bliss when you were right there infront of me, speaking your vows out of love while you were giving me the ring. Certainly, at that very moment, I imagined myself wrapped in your loving arms in the golden year of our marriage; like a happy paramour! But imagination stays fictitious as long as it stays an imagination; you certainly decided to make me miss that daydream of mine.
Yes ours was a journey in a rough road. It’s quite too short compared to forever, but we both know that we gambled to endure the struggles and challenges over this one strange love affair. Though ours was so happy - packed with numerous and exceptional chronicles of dates and strolling in the tune of our heartbeats - ours was also painful, embedded with tearful memoirs of misunderstandings and mistrusts. Yet we dared to keep our vows true till forever, but you gave up, and broke my heart.
Through the pain, I just cry at agonizing nights and face the day with a smile. I kept on denying the worst heartache of my life, thus, I chose to keep my thinnest string of chance with you. I kept on proving to you that I love you so much (and somehow I tried to do things that would make you regret if you totally abandon me), but I just end up tired.
We both know that what I only wish is to be with you even in your last year in college. So that it’s you that I will first give my smile in the day, and the last face I would see before I close my eyes. We are like that when we are still totally madly inlove, but you know that I didn’t wish that to repair our broken vows, I just wish to satisfy my heart that still screams your name.
Afraid that I might not fully give you the freedom that you want if I’m you stay with me; you fooled me and ruled my heart with your hoax reasons. Like a dumb, I thought those were true! I wept over and over again at nights that I miss you, and only this ring that you gave me is what I sleep with at those nights when I wish you’re here with me.
Sometimes, I just find myself staring at the ring, unconsciously reminiscing the days that we were like having the time of our lives. Yes, I just think that it is you hugging not just one of my fingers but my whole body at times that I can’t bear the pain of missing you anymore.
As the saying goes, no smoke will hide forever, and I learned your dirty secret. You saw me that certain night crying so hard in front of you. I cried not just because I lived in your lies but because I pitied myself too much of being a die-hard fool. Carried away by the pain that I’ve cried for, I gave back the ring to you and ask you to give it to the one who you will love for forever.
Stunningly, you received the ring with no regret. But later on, you cried. You that rarely cry cried. “I bought this ring from my own pocket to make you happy. That was real when I gave you my vow. I even had hard time wondering what the size of your finger is. When I went back home and lost my ring, remember, I asked mom to look for it and I wore it back. And now that we are not committed anymore, you still saw me wearing the pair of this one. Go to my room and you will see that I kept it.” Those lines that you spoke keep on hurling on my head for seconds until I was refreshed of the memory of that night when you put it to my finger.
I regretted that I surrendered the ring that reminds me that once in my life, someone truly loved me back. I almost forgot how happy I was realizing that someone and that someone was you, had accepted and loved me for all of me: with few assets and long list of insecurities. I know it’s weird, but at that very moment, all I wanted is to get the ring back.
Disappointed and hurt, like a heartless, you never pitied my embarrassing demand. I cried a lot but nothing changed. And it broke my heart when you threw the ring to the grasses. I cried more and kneeled infront of you, desperately begging you to help me look for it. But to my surprise, you pulled the ring from your pocket and put it back to my finger like the night you first did.
I cried leaning on your upper torso, and you just kept on saying
sorry while kissing my head. That very moment I know you still love me, but also at that time I know that I must accept it all and start moving on.
Comforted, we made new vows. I personally promised that I will not wish anymore to live with you for this last year of yours in college. You also promised not to lie to me anymore and you will try hard not to hurt me once again. But I still can’t deny that I love you still, so I asked you not to enter a new love affair as long as you are here in college because it would surely give me a pain that is synonymous to dying. You promised, not because you pitied me, but because you don’t want me to be hurt that much.
You proved me wrong when I thought that this ring is a reminder of a broken vow; a keepsake of a romantic journey-gone-wrong. You showed to me that this ring is a forever symbol of our love; our love that may not have a happy ending, but for sure will stay in our hearts so much deeper than fairy tales stayed on kids’ hearts.
Soon I’ll get over to this pain, I know. Time will come that I will forget all this heartaches. But for sure never will be the time will come that I’d ever forget you my last lover. As long as this ring will not turn to dust yet, the memories of us will forever be in my heart, just like our memories stay in your heart too.
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