Every time I fall, I shall always stand up again
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What We Used to Be
Tired Under That Mask
I Hope For
- To graduate and become a doctor, yet I hope to live a simple country living.
- To be able to work in Australia or New Zealand as a farm veterinarian.
- I really want to watch George Strait in the Grand Ole Opry, LIVE!
- I'm dreaming for a house built near a cliff, and put an infinity pool just atop the cliff.
- To tour my mom and dad abroad, so that mom will finally be able to fly with a plane.
- To have a happy home. :)
- To fall into someone who's going to value my trust.
- To love someone who would value my tears.
- And to live with someone who's going to value my happiness.
Sacri 2.0: Yanie, the Sacrificial Dog
To Yanie, I promise, we promise, your life won’t be wasted, and we won’t let ourselves to repeat your fate to another Yanie, another sacrificial dog.
Harder Than Any Bones
Being in this uniform of the college I'm attending, College of Veterinary Medicine, is such a delightful thing. For two years, never came a day that I didn't feel jealous to any Vet Med students who are already in uniform. In those years, I did my very best to fail none of my subjects, so that I can say to myself when the time comes that I'll have my own, I deserve wearing this. For me, having this uniform sewed with my body measurements is a dream come true.
I always make sure that my shoes are shined and my uniform is ironed. When I move, I move with gentleness and care. Certainly, I don't want to put any stain on my uniform. And you know what's funny, all of my batchmates do the same things too! But as days go by, I, myself (and i know my batchmates too) is starting to feel displeasure having these sewed cloth on.
I can still remember how do I study during my preparatory years. I do study whenever I have exams, and when I don't have any, NO PRESSURE. Most of my nightly hours go for sleep, and when I woke up, I have nothing to worry. Those years aren't that easy, but there is a wide difference between studying hard subjects vigorously and studying hard subjects calmly.
Now, I just can't do same things as before. Main reasons are: (a) we must earn atleast 75% out of 100% of the total requirement in able to pass our subjects, unlike before that we only need to satisfy atleast 50%; (b) we are taking pre-clinical sciences now, which are all totally different from our high school subjects and general education subjects; and (c) we are now being taught and handled in a no terror way, but in a horrifying way. At this point of learning, you'll know that college isn't really made as a place for learning, it is actually made as a pressure cooker. Heavy loads, heavy subjects, heavy passing rates, heavy expenses, and even heavier expectations from our heavy parents, how can one disagree that this is not a pressure cooker?
Let me share you something. In every time that our profs tell us that were gonna have our exams in few days by now, my heart always wobble in fear.There is always an apprehension that disturbs my innocence: with the wide extent of our coverage, and with the narrowness of my allowable mistakes, would I pass? and if I do, would I really pass with flying colors? And if I fail, how am I gonna tell it to my mom? And the worst? It is when after those questions disturb my mind, a bit of memory then haunts me. In the back of my mind I can see the face of my tired mom saying: Doi, you study hard. Its OK if you get 3.0, but never let any of your subjects to fail. Me and your dad are striving hard, doing all things possible, just to sustain your expenses in school. We are not doing this for our own good, but were doing it for you, so you help yourself reach your goal. Understood son? And that freaks me out.
What I do next is I go to the market and eat my dinner early, and go straight to my room and study, study, study, study, until I drop my book from my hand. In few minutes, unconsciously I'am realizing that I am actually sleeping, so what I do next is I do my best to open my eyes, and the hardest thing to do next is to keep it open. Right after I finish reading the first book, I move to the next book; performing the art of cross-referencing. Until I find something that opposes a fact given by the first book, and I just can't help myself but spend a long time wondering who's telling right! And as I go further, I see another flaw, and another flaw again, and more and more flaws until I see the clock that tells its already pass midnight, and I badly need to have my sleep now. When I wake up, its already 6 AM, and that simply tells me that I gotta be quick in preparing myself for school in the next hour! Just imagine that, Carl Ace as born not genius and brainy enough to engulf and retain all the knowledge that I must learn is doing his best to cope up with this stressing situation. And again, I believe I'm not alone, for many of my batchmates with the same level of intellectual capacity as me are on the same struggle too.
Its a triumph if I pass the exam, but its a major downfall if after all that I have done, I failed. This situation that me and my batchmates that are still adapting now is quite different from before. This is a risky game for victory, and just like Super Mario, a wrong step would cost him a life. That's why all of us do all the ways possible to endure, to adapt, and to pass these primary challenges that we are facing for the mean time. And hey, all the ways possible is like studying with no more sleep, studying with heavy prayers, or studying and then reviewing at the 11th hour an old test paper of the previous people who finished the subjects that we are facing. I am no innocent, and I am honest to tell you that I did certainly all the ways possible. I, myself and my parents too has invested already a lot for this, and I just can't let myself fail just because the amount of effort I've exerted is still less.
I guess what makes this situation hard is the fact that I AM STILL ADJUSTING. I'm still learning how do my profs deliver their lessons and give exams. I'm still observing my batchmates in this new environment--who's gonna stay as a friend who will help me likewisely, who's gonna be a friend who will cling to me parasitically, who's gonna be a friend that will share to me delightful and uplifting words of wisdom but absent when needed, and who's gonna be a friend who will be selfish enough to forget our friendship just to excel in the competition that only exist in his or her mind. I'm at a situation which is really hard to endure, harder than any bones in our Anatomy class. But in this tough fight between me and this uncertainty, I know I have to win. Not because I've already come too far, not because I'm pressured by my parents, not because I'm afraid of the shame of failing, but because this is what I want.
Its like I'm traversing a great mountain where there are only 3 kinds of climbers: the one who reaches the top, the one who loses his hope and quits, and the one who is forced to quit. My eyes are looking at the far peak, and my feet are carefully taking short steps while walking on this dangerous cliff. I don't wanna be the second type of climber, nor the third one. I know this would be hard, but at the end of this trail is the peak--where every one who dared to pursue, every one who suffered but didn't quit, and everyone who did continued amidst all the hardships, sweats, and tears-- has reached. This challenge is harder than any bones, but the word success is at the end. So no one must dare to take a step behind.
Truth Behind the Indolence
--Carl Ace R. Parilla
When God decided where to bestow the bounty, their ancestors were so lucky being one of the chosen. For centuries, the rightful receivers proved their worth. They calloused their hands by toiling at day and steeled their heels dancing at nights. But when the white conquerors came, and shifted their fidelity to another God, it seemed that they also change their identity: from LANDLORDS to TENANTS.
Finally, the once green leaves of our little cornfield turned brown and dry, thus, its harvest time! This morning, I went with my grandpa to the farm and I enjoyed seeing people harvesting our crop. I can’t stop on thinking that a part of this would be spent for my books, a part for my shoes, and a part for my dream laptop. How silly, as if I even own a part of it! Later, sun rays oozed sweat down my face, and my eyebrows nearly met due to high heat. But in this certain moment when I can’t think of anything lovely to ease my distress, as my eyes continually stare the harvesters who seemed to be long affable with the heat, one realization stirred my senses: they actually own this land, as in legally own this land, yet, their harvesting our yield! What an irony.
I remembered in our history class, it was discussed that Rizal once wrote a series of essays entitled The Indolence of the Filipinos. Rizal has noticed that Filipinos of his time are indolent, or lazy. But he believes that the indolence is the effect of the backwardness and troubles experienced by the Philippines at that time. But as an observant citizen, no one can deny that even if this honored country at present is as free as its conquerors, indolence among Filipino masses is as apparent as skies about to rain.
Rizal and even the grade 6 students know that ancient Filipinos are seafaring people, and long before westerners knew that Earth is spherical, our forefathers were already carrying out trades, and they’re much into agriculture and mining. Its true to say that they aren’t indolent but actually, hardworking people. However, when Spaniards came and ruled, they eventually changed the dated culture of the Filipino people.
When the whole world was anticipating for liberty, the sole oriental Spanish colony stuck on the medieval way of living. Spaniard-owned haciendas were plowed by the indios. Sadly, these indios are actually the descendants of the real landlords. Well, that’s not indolence, for the Spaniards stole their right to toil their own soil.
However, I guess Rizal hadn’t viewed it wrong. I must be too wrong if I say that these people who are harvesting our crops planted in their lot are all indolent, for they’re showing much hardship just to earn by their labor. But if you view it logically, and as a standing witness, I must be correct in my own reasoning.
First, they lend their piece of soil to us in a reasonable price, but did they use it for reasonable expenses? Just like most of our neighbors, when they gain money, might be from work or what, they would celebrate and buy Tanduay every after a Tanduay, a pack of cigars every after a pack of cigars. They’d drink and spend money over the night, and the next morning, they’d buy sardines for breakfast, at noon, dried fish, and at end of the day, noodles for supper. Now you ask me, what’s so wrong with it? They’re just having fun like any other earning people! I tell you, I might have a young mind and experienced nothing about adults’ reality, but at least I know something about right and wrong. They drink to death like they got a lot of bucks, but they can’t even buy their kids a good pair of slippers. Well, that’s the least case of scenario, because everything worst follows. They spend for fun and kids will have nothing to eat at school. Then eventually, they would stop learning, and more eventually, if he’s a boy, he’ll end up drunkard and sabongero. In other hand, if the kid is a girl, she’ll also end up drunkard, disco girl, and at the end of the parade, a pregnant youngster.
Rizal was right as saying, we are not lazy, were just contented with our way of living. And that makes me sad. That severe contentment kills every child’s dream. Some of them claim “we people don’t have the right to education. We are poor. We can’t afford our dreams”. With all due respect, let me say this: THAT’S INSANE! Education in our country is served cheap. Who says they can’t afford? Money? If they just dream, they would look onto handfuls of opportunities provided for them; they just need to stand for it. In the case of our harvesters, if they would just want to prosper, they should have invested to their land with the aid of Agricultural Loans of some rural banks. There is also a monthly aid given by the Local Government Unit to the indigenous people, and instead of using the money for things unnecessary, they always have the option to use it to start a small business.
For real, I envy these people. They were born infants meant to grow into men best fit to toil the land. They were the people who don’t need to be a millionaire first before they can own hectares of land because long before they were born, a piece of Earth already belongs to them. They got the assistance of government where the taxes of big earners go. And most of all, it’s a lot easier for them to get rich (just like my native neighbors who used their land well) because of the fact that our country’s economy is basically agricultural. They just have to work not for partial happiness but for a long term happiness earned by dreaming for the best.
As a common saying goes, “Future belongs to the people who prepares for it today”. I believe that these people, who worked for us, and even the whole Filipino race, are not indolent. They just lack the determination, the push, the urge, to dream further. I know, it’s hard to dream, actually, no one gets success overnight. It takes courage, passion, determination, and will. But most of all, dreaming requires no indolence. So strive hard, and dreams will come true!
Decision Worth Pursuing For
Just last week, Central Mindanao University College of Veterinary Medicine hosted the 8th National Congress of Veterinary Medicine Students. With this year’s theme: Building Bridges for Excellence in Veterinary Profession Across the Archipelago, once again numerous aspiring vets from both private and state universities gathered. Representatives from 11 Veterinary Medicine schools across the country came and exposed their selves to new learnings, explored wider opportunities, and shared same fun experiences. The 4-day event was packed with talks from numerous respected veterinarians in various subfields of veterinary profession, tours to different vet facilities within and outside the campus, and fun moments at nights meant for students to socialize.
Even though I’m still in my last preparatory semester in this course, we sophomores were still allowed to participate in the said event. Honestly, being a ‘know-nothing’ yet in veterinary matters, I really hadn’t enjoyed the talk too much, but actually the whole thing stirred a question in my mind: is that really how big the opportunities that awaits for me?
When you come to think of it, there are only more or less 21 Veterinary Medicine Schools in our country, yet, the manpower demands for animal health care, for livestock, swine, equine and poultry production and sales, and for the academia are consistently high. Even the demand for veterinarians for abroad is always high too. These demands are always in need for a veterinarian’s skill. That’s the reason why even if a veterinary medicine graduate is not licensed yet, there are handfuls of companies which are reserving or even hiring him already. And I’ am even lucky enough to be enrolled in one of CHED’s only 3 Higher Education Institutions (HEI’s) recognized as Center as of Excellence in Veterinary Education.
How about in Bukidnon, is there really a need for veterinarians? The answer is a big YES. Actually, just last month, when I and my dad went to Onda’s Farm (just along the national highway situated in Dalwangan, Malaybalay) to buy some trays of fresh eggs, we had a short talk with its owner. We my dad told Mrs. Onda that I am studying Veterinary Medicine, she immediately told me that I will apply to her when I graduate for she doesn’t have one yet. We were just laughing after that for I still need to conquer 4 more years before I graduate. But that alone proves that there is really a great need for veterinarians in our province alone.
Studying this course isn’t easy at all. It’s even almost a miracle to see someone finishing it in CMU within 6 years! Imagine, just mastering several animal anatomies, studying wide range and differences of diseases among animals, and just the fact that animals as patients don’t even talk where the pain is (vets just got to know), aiming to be a great doctor is a tough fight. Yet seeing those aspiring vets like me inspires me a lot. They don’t strive just to earn money; they don’t strive just to get a stable job. They strive primarily because there is an urge within them that they want to help these helpless creatures, and that they don’t want to see any sad pet-loving kid. Though before, I didn’t wanted to be a veterinarian, I believe within me that animals are my comfort zone, and living in a ranch is my dream. This is not just a dream actually, IT’S MY PASSION. And now I know, this decision is really worth pursuing for.
Dance When Summer Rains
Carl Ace R. Parilla
Can I ask you to dance when summer rains?
(When rains come rare like wolves at noon)
It could be tough but if your smile ordains,
My dear I'll hold your hands and I shall croon.
I'll hold you tight near me so you won't fall,
Your sweetest laugh will be our melody;
As I profess to you my pleasant call,
Hope you'll not turn me down so heartlessly.
But if you won't come and there's no more rain,
Maybe next summer you'll might give me chance;
My eyes for long would stare the window pane,
For long I'll wait until you come and dance.
Yes both the summer rains and you are rare
Yet still I'll wait for you for prize is fair.
*A Shakespearean(English) Sonnet written in Iambic Pentameter.
This is my first time to write a sonnet and observed the proper way of writing it. I'm just happy because even though I wrote way too far from Shakespeare did, I still made it in one sitting only. I studied how its done by reading some how to's in Google earlier. I find it funny because primarily, I planned to write a poem of same title in a freewriting manner, but I just don't know when it came into my mind to write a sonnet. I simply found myself searching in Google for instructions on how to write it.
Yes its not so flowered with beautiful metaphors and figure of speech, but I believe the poem would still stir some argument to a reader's mind. Why would he ask her to dance at summer rains when infact its rare? Why would he thinks it would be hard for him to persuade her to dance with him? The answers depends on you. :)
I hope you enjoyed this sweet piece of my literature. Feel free to comment and your advices, reactions, suggestions, especially your adorations are openly welcomed. Thank you!
The Beauty of Home
Vows and the Ring
A ring to a true lover is beyond a mere symbol of commitment. It is a vow of love until forever. It is a memento of the whole journey of one’s romantic rapport. But for a broken-hearted true lover, it is a reminder of a broken vow; a keepsake of a romantic journey-gone-wrong. Being one of the latter, that’s what I felt. Startlingly, you, my last lover proved me wrong.
I can still remember that night when you gave me this ring in my left hand. I can still feel the unforgettable bliss when you were right there infront of me, speaking your vows out of love while you were giving me the ring. Certainly, at that very moment, I imagined myself wrapped in your loving arms in the golden year of our marriage; like a happy paramour! But imagination stays fictitious as long as it stays an imagination; you certainly decided to make me miss that daydream of mine.
Yes ours was a journey in a rough road. It’s quite too short compared to forever, but we both know that we gambled to endure the struggles and challenges over this one strange love affair. Though ours was so happy - packed with numerous and exceptional chronicles of dates and strolling in the tune of our heartbeats - ours was also painful, embedded with tearful memoirs of misunderstandings and mistrusts. Yet we dared to keep our vows true till forever, but you gave up, and broke my heart.
Through the pain, I just cry at agonizing nights and face the day with a smile. I kept on denying the worst heartache of my life, thus, I chose to keep my thinnest string of chance with you. I kept on proving to you that I love you so much (and somehow I tried to do things that would make you regret if you totally abandon me), but I just end up tired.
We both know that what I only wish is to be with you even in your last year in college. So that it’s you that I will first give my smile in the day, and the last face I would see before I close my eyes. We are like that when we are still totally madly inlove, but you know that I didn’t wish that to repair our broken vows, I just wish to satisfy my heart that still screams your name.
Afraid that I might not fully give you the freedom that you want if I’m you stay with me; you fooled me and ruled my heart with your hoax reasons. Like a dumb, I thought those were true! I wept over and over again at nights that I miss you, and only this ring that you gave me is what I sleep with at those nights when I wish you’re here with me.
Sometimes, I just find myself staring at the ring, unconsciously reminiscing the days that we were like having the time of our lives. Yes, I just think that it is you hugging not just one of my fingers but my whole body at times that I can’t bear the pain of missing you anymore.
As the saying goes, no smoke will hide forever, and I learned your dirty secret. You saw me that certain night crying so hard in front of you. I cried not just because I lived in your lies but because I pitied myself too much of being a die-hard fool. Carried away by the pain that I’ve cried for, I gave back the ring to you and ask you to give it to the one who you will love for forever.
Stunningly, you received the ring with no regret. But later on, you cried. You that rarely cry cried. “I bought this ring from my own pocket to make you happy. That was real when I gave you my vow. I even had hard time wondering what the size of your finger is. When I went back home and lost my ring, remember, I asked mom to look for it and I wore it back. And now that we are not committed anymore, you still saw me wearing the pair of this one. Go to my room and you will see that I kept it.” Those lines that you spoke keep on hurling on my head for seconds until I was refreshed of the memory of that night when you put it to my finger.
I regretted that I surrendered the ring that reminds me that once in my life, someone truly loved me back. I almost forgot how happy I was realizing that someone and that someone was you, had accepted and loved me for all of me: with few assets and long list of insecurities. I know it’s weird, but at that very moment, all I wanted is to get the ring back.
Disappointed and hurt, like a heartless, you never pitied my embarrassing demand. I cried a lot but nothing changed. And it broke my heart when you threw the ring to the grasses. I cried more and kneeled infront of you, desperately begging you to help me look for it. But to my surprise, you pulled the ring from your pocket and put it back to my finger like the night you first did.
I cried leaning on your upper torso, and you just kept on saying
sorry while kissing my head. That very moment I know you still love me, but also at that time I know that I must accept it all and start moving on.
Comforted, we made new vows. I personally promised that I will not wish anymore to live with you for this last year of yours in college. You also promised not to lie to me anymore and you will try hard not to hurt me once again. But I still can’t deny that I love you still, so I asked you not to enter a new love affair as long as you are here in college because it would surely give me a pain that is synonymous to dying. You promised, not because you pitied me, but because you don’t want me to be hurt that much.
You proved me wrong when I thought that this ring is a reminder of a broken vow; a keepsake of a romantic journey-gone-wrong. You showed to me that this ring is a forever symbol of our love; our love that may not have a happy ending, but for sure will stay in our hearts so much deeper than fairy tales stayed on kids’ hearts.
Soon I’ll get over to this pain, I know. Time will come that I will forget all this heartaches. But for sure never will be the time will come that I’d ever forget you my last lover. As long as this ring will not turn to dust yet, the memories of us will forever be in my heart, just like our memories stay in your heart too.